On Femininity, Role Models and Kristen Stewart

“I have realized that you can close yourself off to life if you put walls up, but it’s a difficult thing. You can’t see over, people can’t see in, and you also can’t see out. So I’ve gotten quite comfortable with just being unafraid. I keep saying the same thing: it’s not about being fearless but really just embracing the fears and using them.”

-Kristen Stewart

Being a jeans and sneakers kind of a girl, even in 2014 and especially in you are in your 20’s, is considered as unfeminine and you get called a tomboy, more than a few thousand times. I have always been extremely shy and un-opinionated which makes me come across as a bit aloof. My friends grew into extroverted girly-girls and I waited patiently for that latent feminine gene in me to kick-start. I was the only girl left in my entire group who continued to dress outside the confines of stereotypical feminine style. While my friends were happily slapping on makeup and walking around in stilettos, I was still trying to figure out how to apply eyeliner without taking my eye out. Then a couple of years ago, all of that changed. I stopped trying to be what everyone else expected me to be and decided to be myself. Très cheesy, I know. What had caused that change? Kristen Stewart.

The Twilight book series was nothing short of a worldwide phenomenon (i.e., many a teenage girl’s world) and the madness grew in 2008 with the release of the first Twilight film. Robert Pattinson became every basic girl’s dream boy and it was like no one remembered the weird looking Cedric Diggory from Goblet of Fire. Taylor Lautner’s sculpted body was met with applause and approval. Kristen Stewart was pretty much unanimously labeled as monotonous and twitchy.

It was in 2010, my first year of college, I watched The Runaways (movie) because I loved The Runaways (the band) and I especially adored Joan Jett. I watched Kristen Stewart become Joan Jett, the husky voice, the mannerisms, the hooded eyes, the slight slump-and-swagger walk was all spot on. The only thought that remained in my head after the movie was, “Kristen Stewart is… hot?!” I watched her movies, interviews, red carpet appearances, etc. To me, this mild stalker- like behaviour wasn’t weird because I was already obsessed with the Hollywood celebrity culture. I found that she is extremely endearing and intelligent, a bit awkward when it comes to the red carpet where she still manages to look stunning, her style of humour is dry with a generous helping of sarcasm and most importantly- keeps her personal life, personal.

She yearns for people to challenge her and takes on roles that are scary and intimidating (Speak, anyone?). Her interviews show her seriousness and enthusiasm with which she pursues her art which in turn makes her come across as more real, raw and candid than any other young Hollywood actor. One of my favourite things that she has said reads, “If a woman isn't happy and un-opinionated and long-haired and pretty, then she's weird and ugly. I just don't get it. I hate it when they say I'm ungrateful and I fucking hate it when they say I don't give a shit, because nobody cares more than I do. I'm telling you I don't know anybody who does this that gives a shit more than I do.”

She doesn’t care about dressing up, unlike other Hollywood celebrities, for a coffee run. She get harassed by the paparazzi for not smiling like a dummy so that they can make money off of her photos. Addressing the apprehension over her casual appearance she has said, “I go outside, and I'm wearing a funky T-shirt and my hair is dirty, and people say, 'What's wrong with her? She needs to invest in a hairbrush.”  She dresses up in Chanel, Reem Acra, Zuhair Murad, Balenciaga, etc when the occasion calls for it and that is more than sufficient.  I guess that is the charm of Kristen Stewart, she is attainable and doesn't seem as intimidating as the other celebrities.

So I embraced plaid shirts, Vans and Converse sneakers, v-neck t-shirts, short fingernails and over-sized jackets in an attempt to be myself. I stopped paying attention to the “why don’t you dress more like a girl?” comments. I do make an effort to look a bit more polished for important functions and I make it a point to dress appropriately. I sometimes wear high heels and struggle to walk in them for certain parties but I always have a pair of comfortable flats back in my car and sometimes, even in my bag.

When I do dress up like a “girl” I tend to get one or more of these comments:

“Oh! My God! You own a skirt?”

“You are going to wear a saree?” *sniggers*

“You own makeup!?” *gasp*

“You look like a girl!”

“Aww! You are a girl!”

No shit, Sherlock.

    A role model is a person you admire and respect. That can be anyone- a friend, your parents, a sibling, an artist, a teacher, and in my case, Kristen Stewart. It is not necessary that you do exactly what they do. Imitation might be the sincerest form of flattery, but it is also ill- advised. I am not free of all my insecurities and I do worry about my flaws but I am more comfortable in my skin than I was a few years ago. Perfection is a strange idea and stranger is the fervor with which people attempt to achieve it. 

“I don’t apply being a role model to the choices I make. I feel like a role model is not necessarily someone you want to imitate, just someone you admire.”

-Kristen Stewart

Moo x