An Unhelpful Guide to Processing Feelings

When I was a child, people used to remark upon my extremely sunny disposition. Or so I would like to believe.

I have what I like to call a resting sad face, although it slides into the category of resting tired face quite frequently. Which occasionally causes people to exclaim, “what’s wrong?”. Nothing is wrong. It’s just my face.

The world puts a lot of pressure of individuals to be happy and look at the positive side of life. What if I don’t want to be happy? What if I want to wallow in a pit of self-destructive self-pity? There are a lot of articles on the internet regarding facing your life with a glass half full attitude. Sometimes, one just needs to say, “I know the glass is half full, but I would rather ignore it for some time as it is not half full of the liquid of my choice.”

Here are some things that you can do in lieu of having a healthy conversation about feelings.

1.     Don’t talk about it. If you talk about it, you WILL cry, and crying is so last year.

2.     Isolate yourself and pretend it never happened. If it didn’t happen, you can’t really be upset.

3.     Binge on salty snacks because eating your feelings is very much a thing. It’s not healthy, but it is a way of coping with feelings.

4.     Have something sweet, because every binge deserves a good dessert. 

5.     Mindlessly watch everything on YouTube. The more they talk about their boring, ad filled lives, the more you forget about your own reality.

6.     Watch funny TV shows. 

7.     Sit on the roof and sulk. Bring a mug of coffee with you. Have a muggachino.

8.     Go to sleep. If you are asleep, you can’t think. Besides, everyone is always talking about how sleeping well is good for your health. Might as well reach a miserable age of 90 while you are at it.

9.     Repeat 3 and 4.

10.  Put on a clay mask. It won’t suck up your problems, but it sure will suck up the oil on your face. 

11.  Put on a sheet mask. One should always match how they feel on the inside with how they look on the outside.

12.  Shop online. Or as I like to call it- an exercise in feeling fat and poor simultaneously. Gives your heart quite a workout.

13.  Paint your nails. Just because your feelings have been put on the backburner doesn’t mean you neglect your hands.

14.  Go for a walk, lose weight so that you have one thing less to worry about.

Disclaimer: If you have actual issues such as depression or anxiety, don’t listen to me because I’m a snarky idiot. Please get professional help.