How To Complete a Dissertation in a Week: A Foolproof Guide for a Dawdling Mind

Hello everyone,

I am not what you might call a stickler to deadlines and rules, procrastinate and escape is pretty much the motto I live by. So when it came to writing (and finishing) a full length dissertation, I knew that I was pretty much… something that rhymes with mucked. Our professors weren’t bothered with “original material” as long as we turned it in before the semester ended but our class decided to take the high road and submit non-plagiarized work.

The entire process was full of struggles such as explaining to my Department Head that I did not make up "Harry Potter" and "The Lord of the Rings" and that they are indeed real novels. Books were waved about, tempers flared and I emerged victorious.

Ha!

This is a how-to for the chronic put off-ers and the lag behind-ers, who will, for sure, not start on their dissertation till the very last, desperate moment:

- Pick a topic that will not bore you to tears

This is the most important tip of all because you have to live and breathe this topic for the next few days so falling asleep while reading is not considered ideal.

- Know your material

My topic of research was "The Lord of the Rings" which I had read about 10 years ago so I knew that it will take me at least 1-2 months to read and research it thoroughly. I read for 10-12 hours straight everyday and then listened to a chapter of the book while walking for an hour. If you start the reading the week before the date of submission, you are screwed. Do the reading part a lot earlier so that the framework will be clear when you start typing.

- Coffee is not your best friend

Chances are that by now you are now immune to the wondrous magic of caffeine so it will not work for you. Try cold water instead. Dunk yourself in it if you absolutely have to.

- Use the Dr Joan Watson trick of staying awake

Squats FTW!

- Say goodbye to sleep and become friends with back pain 
I typed for 6-12 hours in one stretch, everyday, and it took that long because I kept editing and providing citations and references simultaneously. The dissertation ended up being a pain in my neck... and back... and head...

- Keep eye drops close by 

Dry eyes are a bitch especially if you are already half blind like a certain bespectacled individual I know. No, not me, I have perfect vision. Rude. 

- Set a deadline for everything and stick to it.

Try to not be your usual lazy self for just one week then revert to your sluggish glory.

- Don't look up memes regarding your topic and do not, even for a minute, go on 9gag because that site is a black hole of awesomeness.

- Appoint your own proofreader/ editor/ slave monkey

My sister, who will be referred to as 'the intelligent one' from here on, was all the things listed above. When you write so much, and if you are not very smart, bully someone with good grammar to read through the entire thing so as to avoid handing in this: the character was was then the good guy because he was a good guy.

Disclaimer: There will be a lot of fist-shaking, hair ripping, give up-ing involved but you must soldier on and try not to bang your head too hard against your desk. Whatever happens, don't chuck the laptop against any wall- you will need it in the future for movies and TV shows.

Moo x